It’s time to admit, I don’t know s***

So, I have completed the first step in changing my life. I have admitted that I have a problem. The problem is I have too much fat where I would like to have less fat. I have set up a healthy venting outlet and created this blog, as well as an accompanying Instagram. I guess all I have left to do is work really hard and eat better and stop being fat? Fuck.

Maybe my least favorite thing in life is “know it all-ism”. Anecdotally speaking, I find that there is a direct relationship between how authoritative anyone acts on any given topic, and just how ignorant he or she are on the issue at hand. Everyone has an opinion, and I find that usually that opinion is rooted in nonsense, bias, or jealousy. This goes double for fatties, not because we are double your size, but because of the stigma and self-doubt that go with being out of shape. Nothing hurts more than watching others succeed where we have failed. I am not a hypocrite. I am just as guilty of this as everyone else is. Being drastically overweight carries a social stigma, as well as a sense of desperation.

This being said, maybe it is time for fat people to stop acting as if we have all the answers. HEY… DUMMIE… IF WE HAD ALL THE ANSWERS, MAYBE WE WOULDN’T STILL BE FAT!!!! When having indepth discussions, I have spent a vast majority of my life wanting to “look right”, more than actually “be right”. I believe this goes for most of us. I don’t know that I have ever been a part of a discussion on weight loss that didn’t end with a thousand negative or defeatist side conversations.

“they’ll never keep it off”

“That diet is unhealthy”

“That’s a gimmick, it will never work”

Do the people saying these things, me included, not know that everyone hears what we are really saying. “I hope that person fails. I don’t want to be the only person who is fat.” No one is fooled into thinking that the fat guy is an authority on proper nutrition or fitness.

The truth is I do know enough about health and fitness to be in shape. It is my fault I am fat. My calories in to calories out ratio is bad. I am consuming too many amazingly delicious fucking calories, and not getting my ass to work out enough. However, in a moment of intellectual honesty I realized, maybe its time to seek help. Maybe the first step in this process is humility. This will be hard. Nobody loves me as much as I love me. I am confident to a fault. No one loves anything as much as I love me. But maybe it’s time I shut the hell up, and let other people help me.

As for diet plans:

1)      Does Jenny Craig work? Probably

2)      Does the Atkins diet work? Probably

3)      Does calorie counting work? Probably

4)      Does Keto work? Probably

5)      Does Paleo work? Probably

6)      Does a plant based diet work? Probably

7)      Do the meal replacement shakes you see on Facebook work? Probably (I actually know a guy who lost 100lbs on one of these and has kept it off for a year now)

As for Workouts:

1)      Does the gym work? Probably

2)      Does Crossfit work? Probably

3)      Does a running regimen work? Probably

4)      Do fitness class work? Probably

The fact is, eating right and exercising probably will make you in better shape than you are now. I personally hired a dreamboat trainer named Brian. He appears carved from stone and has eyes that are bright like the sun. Our first visit together was a consultation. It was during this consultation that I realized I am a fucking idiot, and kind of a dick. I am paying this man a substantial fee every week to get me in shape, and I spent half the meeting acting as if I already knew everything he said and the other half of the time poo-pooing the other what he said. Why? Why would I do this? I did this because I was being defensive. I did not want to look fat AND stupid, so I overplayed how smart I am, to compensate for how fat I felt. This also applies to why we like to downplay other people’s plans for improving their health. Does it matter if they fail? Does it affect us if they gain the weight back? NO! Cynicism is easy and lazy. Hope and honest discussion are hard.

My current theory on all of this… move more, eat better. Talk less, listen more. Maybe the key isn’t which program you pick, but that you pick a program. That you stick with a program. For now, I am choosing the gym because I like the gym. Maybe, just maybe, the method for improving my life, should be chosen by what I see as “improving my life”. The journey is part of it. And improving my life includes being a better guy, being less of a cynical ass hole, and burning energy in a way I feel is fulfilling. Something I can stick with. Its time for trial and error, and speak to what is best for me, as if its best for me… and not some all-knowing edict passed from god, to the world, through me.