revelations and evaluations

Along with the importance of losing weight and becoming PHYSICALLY healthier, this process has had other benefits. Primarily, I am starting to understand so much about my own psyche, and body. What moves me? What works for me? What makes me better? What makes me worse? I find journaling to be helpful (No shit, right. I regurgitate every stupid fucking thought I have for the whole world to read... however, I keep personal journals too). Considering what I DO post, you can probably imagine the stupid shit I don’t post. Well, now I am going to post some of the inner most thoughts that have surfaced through this process. By the way, I don’t know that self-actualization is a path that shouldn’t be explored unguided, but at this point, what do I have to lose?

-          Not all diets work the same for all body types. There is no universal fix. I meet so many people who have anecdotes about how perfect a diet works, and then meet other people with the opposite experiences. One diet and exercise plan doesn’t seem to fit all body type).

-          I need cardio. My body likes being fat, and lifting alone doesn’t fix this

-          My body likes putting on muscle.

-          I work out like an idiot and it is making my body hurt (I have concentrated on my upper anterior and neglected my posterior… its destroying my back support and weight distribution and muscular structure). 

-          I need to calorie count

-          My penis becomes a charisma black hole in compression shorts. Loses all its expressive character.

-          I cant look in mirrors when I work out, because I don’t always like myself

-          Veggies make me fart, but I love them.

-          My knees, back and shoulders are paying now, for having neglected stretching in my younger years

-          Sugar and diet soda both make me bloated

-          Enriched flour makes me fat, and fast

-          Dudes who wear shirts in the pool look fatter than dudes who take their shirts off

-          Food matters more for my weight management, than working out

-          I need to be nicer to myself

-          It’s important to have a written out workout plan, so you don’t cheat yourself

-          It’s also a good idea to have a secondary plan for the gym, in case the equipment you wanted is occupied

-          Get massages

-          Not those kind of massages, pervert. Besides, massage therapists don’t fall for my tricks

-          Lean meats make my body feel good.

-          I cant walk nude to the showers without whistling

-          My belly button can hold entire socks worth of lint. This cant be a thing. I cant live in a world where this is my reality

-          People are luke warm about me, and its frustrating... and I let this affect me and my mood

-          I shoot three pointers well

-      The FDA will probably never warm to the idea of adding "pump cheese" or "pump meats" to their list of things with an RDA. 

-          My cardio vascular health is coming along too slowly for my liking.. I am not naturally good at endurance sports

-          I shouldn’t watch my 600lb life. I only have one of two mind frames when I do: mocking, or self-loathing

-          My yellow nike workout shorts are see through in the bright lights of the gym

-          My gym buddies palms are orange because he applies self tanner

-          I need to calorie count. No matter how healthy the food, I need to limit total intake to 2000 calories or less

-          Cauliflower pizza crust is fucking gross, and people who like are stupid assholes.

-          I need a butt. For aesthetics and for structural support.

-          I am unsure about the effectiveness of protein powder. I fear its wasted calories.

-          Alcohol makes me feel bad. Even small amounts. This is upsetting, and probably wont guide my behavior.

-          I have lost enough weight to see that I have knees and ankles, and not meat tube limbs (I just hurt my own feelings)

-          People with initials for names are usually dicks.

-          Podcasts are terrible for keeping me focused on a workout (except Dr Death)… but Busta Rhymes adds 10% to my PR’s

-          Flat soled slip on shoes relieve stress from my back when I workout. The forward slant of running shoes is no good for me

-          My body feels better as I build my upper back, core and leg muscles. I have too much weight in front 

-     Full frontal nudity is always funny in a mens locker room. Dicks are absurd looking

-