Feminization of the gym

When I was a young man growing up, the gym had certain connotations for me. I pictured a dark, dungeon of a room, with legions of oiled up animals in tank tops regurgitating stupid clichés and peacocking around the gym floor compensating for their misplaced fear of their own latent homosexuality by turning every interaction into a reason to demean each other and declare their unnecessary dominance over one another with false bravado. God damn did I love it. For, I too was once a “bro dude” moron. I wore backward hats, and the idea of self-worth felt like a zero sum game to me. In order for me to have more self-worth, it had to come at someone else’s expense. I could not feel good or worthy of being loved, unless someone else felt bad about themselves... or at least, beneath me.

The only time I have ever felt attractive, or had any semblance of satisfaction with my physical appearance, was when I was 19-22 years old. I had spent my entire childhood as the soft pink kid. I felt invisible to girls, because I was. Then when I was 18 i took a solid year of hard work and dedication and I finally got in shape. Once this happened, I was an untenable piece of crap. It was so fun. Nothing is more fun than being a clueless young dude . The world was made for clueless young skinny dudes, unless you are anyone else besides “skinny young guy”, then they are pretty awful and make the world almost unlivable with their idiocy.

I spent that period of my life working out in a tiny, cement floored hole in the wall of a gym in my home town. The temperature was always an exaggerated version of the outside conditions. If it was chilly outside then the inside of the gym was a tundra, and on warm days you could barely stop from passing out from heat stroke. I think the entire clientele was made up of 15 guys who knew a combined total of 45 words, and we ended every sentence with an insecure attempt at herd mentality validation sought with the uttering of “bro” in an upward inflected request for agreement. To their credit, every member of the knuckle head gathering would belt out an “absolutely, dude” in supportive unison. Every single guy in that gym was there to throw weights around the room and endure joint injuries and wallow in self-satisfaction.

Anyone who knows me now, knows I no longer have any love for bro dude. As I have grown the fuck up, and evolved, I have found no need for toxic masculinity. I am a soft pink father of 3 with nothing to prove to anyone but myself. The only exception to this is when I am in the gym. The truth is, I do find that I have a misplaced competitive streak in the gym. I still have this me vs them mentality. It is so not who I am in any other part of my life. The worst part, for me, is that because I am no longer at the top of the physical pecking order I find that I have a negative self-image when I am working out. My natural state is to be cloyingly optimistic. I tend to the positive, silver lining, side of life. However, when I work out, I feel as though I am somehow less valued than my peers are, because I am not in as good of shape as them. The reality is, fitness and self-image are not zero sum games. My value is not gaged in relation to other peoples value. Not to mention, the gym is a showcase of the most shallow value structure. I am literally impeding my own progress because of a self-inflicted lack of value derived from the fact that I am no longer at the top of the physical food chain.

This is where the feminization of the gym has been an amazing thing for me. What I mean by “feminization of the gym” is that the growing numbers of women in the gym, and the growing numbers of women who lift weights, have started to change the mentality in the weight room. When I was younger, women tended to work out more on the outer rim of the gym. Cardio equipment, and workout classes, were traditional located on the outer rims of the gym, or on a separate floor, but the center stage of the gym was the weight room. Men tended to lift weights, and women did classes and cardio. Yes, I know there have always been exceptions, but as a general rule I feel the gym was inadvertently segregated by gender. This no longer feels like the case. More and more, women are venturing into the weight room floors of the gym.

Now, while it is ridiculous to paint any group/race/gender with one brush, I feel that I have noticed a trend from the women that have started to venture into the weight room… they have each others back. Its refreshing. I feel like these women seem to have grasped what my testosterone challenged brethren have missed… WE ARE ALL IN THIS TOGETHER. Fitness is not a zero sum game. I am not better, for my friends being worse. In fact, it is quite the opposite. Having an atmosphere of support and inclusion relieves the heavy cloud that tends to hover in our brains when we work out. The gym can have a “high school PE class” feel to it at times. The negativity surrounding the difficulty that comes with working out, can be the biggest hurdle in improving our health. SO much of this battle is mental. The biggest things between us, and a healthy body, are mentality and education. This drive to remove some of the meathead antics in the gym, are only good for everyone. There are a lot of things that are slowly changing as women become more and more confident roaming out into what was once a lions den atmosphere that comprises the weight room.

-          Removing the negative overly testosterone  fueled vibe of the gym

-          Adding a more inclusive and supportive feel

-          Removing the over sexualization of the gym (grow up guys, gawking at the women at the gym makes them uncomfortable… and as they get more and more comfortable being in the gym, they are making this more and more known… eyes on your own papers, idiots)

-          Removing the body image hurdles that make us afraid to take risks by creating a culture of acceptance

Along these lines, one of the trainers at my gym  (VillaSport in Beaverton, Or) has started a class for men. Seems exactly contrary to this entire post, but it actually falls in line with the message here. The idea behind the class is to retrain our brains. Get us away from the peacocking, and posturing, and create more of an all inclusive vibe in the gym. Teach us proper form, and workout routines. Get us away from just trying to lift every ounce of iron we can, with no real agenda outlined to improve our wellness. We are trying to remove the meathead mentality, and replace it with a support structure, and real world working knowledge of what’s best for our bodies as we age. Removing the stigma of using non-weight training methods, as well as some weight lifting, to strengthen our entire bodies in a way that will allow us to maximize the longevity of our muscles and joints. The class is intended for men, 30-50 who have a working knowledge of the gym, but need that support system and accountability that the female gym patrons have been much more progressive about.

It isn’t shocking to me that the gym is one of the last bastions of the might = right mentality. It is a refreshing change to see the gym being integrated and the vibe changing to become more accepting. It is long overdue and makes us all better, inside and out. That being said, it is important for you ladies in the gym to return the favor, and stop objectifying us men as well. The rules of public decorum clearly state “no booby honking”… this goes for my boobies too. (note from the author: I just hurt my own feelings with that last sentence).