I default to being kind. I don’t like being hurtful or
leaving people unhappy. The fact that I can be funny at other peoples expense, doesn’t
mean I actually do it. I also don’t have an aversion to criticism… I welcome criticism
and will discuss anything so long as the criticism is in good faith and not
just an excuse to attack me. I believe that no topic should be off limits.
Growth happens with the spread of information. With this in mind, I had my
first piece of hate mail today. I was called a misogynist (sort of), and told
that I am unkind to my fellow humans, and I have never been happier. Having
this type of exchange thrust upon me, is like a present being handed to me. So
the restraint I showed today, was Herculean.
From the very beginning of the exchange, I knew I wasn’t
dealing with anyone who’s company I needed to keep. Had she made the comment
she made in the comments section of the blog, or even posted the comment to the
Instagram post publicly, I would have glossed over it and moved on… but I feel
that having her actually send me a private message meant that I felt compelled
to engage in a discussion. I wont lie to you.. part of me was hoping that I was
opening a door to tomfoolery.. and my hopes were sort of answered. We were
about to engage in a bout of idiocy. I was left feeling a bit dissatisfied because
I wont fully engage with a moron. I feel guilty doing it.
I have hidden her Instagram name out of respect… we will
call her Crystal (because that’s her name and I am not giving up her identity
by using it)
Crystal: I’ve been reading your blog for a
few weeks and I never should have started. Your so mean. You need to learn some
kindness, and acceptance of weight issues. Maybe be kind to your fellow humans.
Your so misogynist. Its people like you who create anoresics.
Ed: Im sorry you
feel this way. I’ve never said a misogynistic word. I’m a man expressing my
personal struggles. I don’t know that I’ve demeaned or belittled women… and I’m
not that guy. I don’t do that. I disagree with your assessments, but that’s what’s
fun about having these discussions… we can look at a situation and evaluate it
from every angle. I’m sorry I come off to you as negative, but appreciate you
reading along. Thanks for the input.
At this point, I could already tell that she was not
interested in engaging in a meaningful conversation. I am all for people telling me off “at me”… but not “with me”. I also understand
that men have weaponized physical appearance since the beginning of time. I can
see how these issues could have a certain connotation to some women. Therefore,
I was thinking maybe she projected her personal bias on to what I was saying. I
am not naive.. I know the depth of hurt that comes with this topic. I was
hoping to defend myself as well as engage in a conversation about how these
issues can effect all of us.. and it is not just a woman's issue.
Crystal: You don’t get “it”. Look up
missogonistic. And I’m done reading this filth. You pick on women and heavy
people. Your a bully.
Game over. That
was fast. She hit on all of my bugaboos in one misguided paragraph of idiocy.
The quotes around “it”, made my blood pressure rise to heart attack levels… but
then when I saw how wildly the word “misogynistic” got away from her, I
instantly replaced the anger with pity. I feel like she is either a child, or
she types with her elbows. Her complete disregard for “your vs you’re” is
pretty humiliating as well. I decided that I didn’t want to actively engage in
the discussion, so I started replying with nonsensical quotes from the movie “Clerks”.
Ed: There’s a million fine looking girls in
the world. But they don’t all bring you lasagna to work. Most of them just
cheat on you.
Crystal: Thanks for
reinforcing my argument. You just don’t get “it”.
I don’t fault her for this. She obviously hasn’t seen Clerks
4500 times like I have, and out of context, that does feel like a pretty wide
sweeping generalization about women. Well played, Crystal. I literally put zero thought into that
comment, but that’s the whole point. I just wanted to see how long I could make
this woman argue with movie quotes.
Ed: I hope it feels good to be right. There’s
nothing more exhilarating than pointing out the short coming of others, is
there?
Crystal: You deserve this. I’m trying to
help you. It is like you are proud of how you talk about women and fat people.
The arrogance and stupidity in this comment made me sigh.
First off, bull fucking shit. You aren’t “trying to help”. You are trying to
vent your anger. You are trying to attack. I feel you are being disingenuous
about your intentions. Also, when telling someone they are mean to fat people,
maybe… just maybe… avoid the term “fat people”.
Ed: I’m stuck in this pit, working for less
than slave wages. Working on my day off, the goddamn steel shutters are closed,
I deal with every backward ass fuck on the planet. I smell like shoe polish. My
ex-girlfriend is catatonic after fucking a dead guy, and my present girlfriend
has sucked 36 dicks.
Crystal: Your anger
toward woman is embarrassing. It comes through in every blog write up.
Missoginist!!!
My shock at her willingness to engage in an argument with
unrelated movie quotes, is boggling my mind. This is the best thing that ever
happened to me.. it barely squeaked past “birth of my first child”. I in no way
expected that she would actually argue with the movie. In fact, she is arguing
with movie quote, and ‘Clerks’ is winning the argument because Crystal is getting angry. The movie is being calm and collective. I was curious how far I
could take this. Could I work my way through the entire script? Unfortunately I
had to get back to the real world, so I decided to end things.
Ed: A) sigh. B) I
love you. C) I looked up missoginist: that act of ignoring when autocorrect tries
to help you write fucking “misogynist”.
Randall: You’re not
allowed to rent here anymore
Jay: YEAHHHHHHH
At this point I blocked her and hid my profile from her. I
no longer was having fun. I am proud of myself for not unloading on her and
actively engaging in a war of words. I know the old adage “Never argue with a
fool, onlookers may not be able to tell the difference”.. but this doesn’t apply
here. Crystal was not looking to engage in a conversation, or argue a point,
she was looking to brow beat me. It’s funny how someone can be so violently and
aggressively stupid. This is a great life lesson about being careful about what
hill you die on. She was so off base… everyone is entitled to an opinion, but her
accusations and comments have very real definitions, and I do not meet them. My
posts are in no way misogynistic. This could have been a great open discussion…
maybe we both could have learned something, but it was obviously not her goal
in messaging me.
Having an opinion is everyones god given right. I don’t get
to have a say… and I don’t get to decide how my message is received when I write my blog.. but when
you message it to me, and it draws definable conclusions... I will retort. And
if your comments are well constructed, I will take the time to engage in a real
and honest discussion. Opinions are easy, but some thought should be used in
creating them. And once you make your opinion a weapon, be prepared for the
fall out. I wonder what Kevin Smith movie I will use next time. I wonder if I
can get someone to argue with “Mallrats”.
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