Friday, March 30, 2018

Open letter to fat people...


I am going to vent. I am not a counselor. I am not trained in anything. I am just a guy with opinions. This IS the internet, and there is no more fertile soil for the insane ramblings of a moron than the internet, so I feel I have come to the right place.

This is sort of a wakeup call to fat people. There are many common hang ups that we need to address together. This will be a short post.  But I believe most of us who are overweight share some of these… some day to day issues that plagued me for a long time, and I know plague many of you. I didn’t always have my current “pay ‘em no mind” attitude towards the world… I spent so much of my life paralyzed by my own physical condition. “Paralyzed” may be the wrong word… “hyper aware” of the perception of my physical condition is probably a better way of putting it. Here are a list of things I want to set straight for all of you…

-          - The alternative to “being obese” isn’t “being anorexic”. So when you say, “At least I am not some skinny anorexic bitch”, what you are saying is “I prefer my way unhealthy lifestyle to some hypothetical negative alternative lifestyle. Oh, and I want to judge someone for perceived judgments they may or may not be making of me”.
-         -  Fat guy at the pool… take your shirt off when you swim. Do you really think your soaking wet, vacuumed sealed t shirt is hiding the fact that you are fat. I assure you, it is hiding nothing. In fact, it is putting a spotlight on the fact you are insecure about it. Pop your top! Get some sun. Be happy.
-         -  No one is watching you eat ice cream in public. Stop being self-conscious about it. The feeling you perceive as being judged for your quadruple scoop of chocolate fudge swirl is actually your own conscious telling you that you probably do not need to be eating this.
-         - You know that feeling when you try on nicer clothes that are marked as your size, and they are too small…. That is not an accident… many designers do not want us tarnishing their image by wearing their brands. Seems shortsighted because 97% of the public is fucking fat. You’re leaving money on the table people!
-         -  Spoiler alert: your knees hurt at night because your weight is higher than nature intended. For those of you who are religious, what I am saying is, God didn’t make our bodies strong enough to support how fat we are. Taking this a step further, this means he never fathomed we would get to this point. He’s all seeing, and he couldn’t have predicted how fat we have gotten.
-        -  You know how every time your chair squeaks and you get paranoid that everyone thinks you farted? Guess what… in this case, it is not paranoia. Everyone thinks you farted. Settle the fuck down though. We fat people usually got fat by eating bad food, and bad food is a huge factor in inadvertent farts. Also, anecdotally speaking, it probably was a fart, and no one believes that chair made a stinky squeak.
-        -  That feeling you have that you are invisible to the opposite sex… that’s kind of a shitty hypocrisy. You are making superficial judgments about how other people MAY be making superficial judgments about you. This does not mean you are wrong... just means you are a hypocrite.

I had to vent. So much of the stigma of obesity is contrived by the obese themselves. And letting other people’s opinions dictate your level of comfort wont be solved by losing weight. Fit people give the locus of control to strangers as well. Your weight isn’t why you are insecure or unhappy… being a fucking person is why you are insecure or unhappy. Just shut up and be what you want to be.

Most importantly, if anyone judges you for being fat, they can go fuck themselves. People judging you speaks more to the judge’s character, than to your character. Don't let the bastards grind you down. You are in a competition with yourself, not with every asshole with a voice. Remember… Work hard, do rad shit.

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