I write about exercise more than I write about food.
However, I am inundated with articles/expert opinions/my Dr’s advice/anecdotal support,
all telling me that eating habits are more important in regaining my health. I
know I should be concentrating more on this part of the process. So why do I
write about the gym so much more than I write about my struggles with food? 4
reasons…
1) I
feel a stigma about my own struggles with food… its 100% projected on myself
2) I
am "winning" the battle in the gym… and food is a much harder battle for me
3) There
is catharsis in blasting unsuspecting, undeserving, people on the internet, and I have been treating these posts as my own "to kill" list
4) When I talk about the gym, I get to talk about nude locker room antics and unsupervised penises.. you know, the things I find fun.
I do need to spend some time addressing my dietary changes
though. People say that we learn more about ourselves during times in which we
struggle, than during our successes, and it’s totally true. I have discovered some interesting things
about myself. For one, I am callow and weak willed. I also lack any shred of
intellectual honesty. These have presented themselves as barriers to my success.
I have spent my entire life trusting myself to eat sensibly
and use all of the knowledge I have gained from years of research and trial and
error to make sure that I utilize food as clean and efficient fuel for my body,
only to go to sleep every night with my stomach uncomfortably stuffed with so many little Debbie
snack cakes that I had frosting oozing from my nose, mouth, and ears. I cant be
trusted. Regardless of how good my intentions, if I don’t have detailed restrictions
as to what I can eat, I will make a mockery of myself at each and every meal.
I have become a firm believer that it doesn’t matter so much which
plan you choose, but that you fucking choose something. Consistency. Consistency
really is everything for me. I literally spent 10-15 years eating well one week
at a time, only to spend every Friday and Saturday celebrating by downing a
pint of gin and eating my weight in pizza. I bet you can actually see spikes in
Bombay Sapphire and Pinky’s Pizza profit margins every Friday and Saturday.
I finally have gotten to a place where I understand that I need
rules. And by the way, this goes for “work arounds” or "substitutes for cravings". I am not honest enough with myself to do this. If you can
drink “a little bit of alcohol is fine”, or “its ok to allow some cheat meals”..
I will absolutely abuse the spirit of these instructions. And "substitutes" for the foods I crave never actual sate the urge for the cheat meal. I feel like pizza
treats me the way 20 something dudes with backward hats and popped collars
treat their dates. Pizza acts all innocent, like it cares about me.. Its charming, looks fantastic, and smells
good… but I know that deep down the love affair is asymmetrical. Whenever I let my
guard down a little, pizza ALWAYS decides not to be respectful about my choices.
And the next thing you know, I am doing the 8 am walk of shame home from Pizza Hut with marinara splattered across my cheek and forehead. Also, pizza never
remembers to call me the next day. I feel alone, and empty and self-loathing. I
fucking hate myself for how I treat myself. Then, next weekend, I am set to
do it again.
I have come to the conclusion that I need rules. I need
guidelines. I had what is probably the dumbest fucking “ah ha” moment in
history. “If I am going to do this… why the fuck don’t I just do it”. Point
being, maybe I don’t need methods and recipes that can more closely mirror things
I enjoy eating... foods that helped me to get to where I am. Maybe I need new behaviors? Instead of trying to toe
the line of acceptable dietary habits, how about I dive in and drown in
whatever dietary changes I am looking to make? Instead of spending our time
looking for work arounds, and substitutions, and things that are “technically
not cheats”.. how about we embrace the changes outlined in our dietary plans, and strive to actually adhere to
the lifestyle we choose? I have found that since I adopted this approach to
eating, I have not had that overwhelming feeling of impending failure. There is
nothing I am more cynical or defeatist about than my own dietary success. I go in to most lifestyle changes waiting to fail.
With all of this in mind, I have decided that the dietary lifestyle that makes the
most sense to me, is ketogenesis. The basic idea is to eliminate sugars from the
blood stream by eating incredibly small amounts of carbs, and elevated amounts of fat, so that your body will
begin using fat stores in place of the sugars that are no longer in the blood. Here is a more scientific breakdown…
I chose this diet because not only does the science behind
it feel sound, but also because all of my weaknesses around food, are based around
carbs. I have found that eliminating carbs, has eliminated my need to eat bad. Eating a keto diet, and eating the unhealthy foods I crave, are mutually exclusive. Of course I have strayed. I have had some bad days. In fact I have had 4 days in
which I have eaten off plan. That is 4 days in the 10 weeks since I started
this dietary lifestyle. I am not delusional, and understand that as a human, I
will have bad days. I will have days in which I make poor choices. But a strict
diet plan has turned what was once a daily battle, into a rare occurrence. If I
was good at self discipline, I wouldn’t already be fat. That may be the
dumbest, most obvious thing I have ever said. But I have found that the key for
my own success, is to treat change as a forever thing. As soon as I view a diet
as a temporary adjustment, or looking for substitutions, or scheduling cheat
days, I am doomed. The key for me is to get out of my own head and stop
thinking about the end game. Think about
today. Today I need to get healthier. I can worry about the cheat meal when its
presented. I can worry about the craving when its presented. I will worry about
my next lifestyle choice, when it’s time for that lifestyle to take effect.
Dwelling on cheats and the next dietary step, eliminates the effectiveness of
your current step in the process. I feel, that for me, its not about which diet
plan I choose.. its about embracing the plan I choose, and actually sticking
with it.
Also, I measure the levels of ketones in my urine (ketones are what the body produces in order to burn stored fat, and you can measure the levels of ketones being produced by measuring how many ketones are being expelled through your urine) by peeing on a stick. And I dont give a shit how old I get, I will always think its funny to pee on stuff.
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