I rarely have my own
best interest in mind. If regaining my health was solely for me, I would end up
having to be cut out of my own house. Pizza, five guys, beer, French toast,
captain crunch, diet coke, waffles, burritos, ice cream, any form of fried
potatoes, pork, peanut butter cups, my dad’s Coney dogs <- these are my 13
reasons why. Apparently, I love bad foods more than I like being alive.
This journey has been so
hard for me because I so often get bogged down in how far the finish line
feels. I have been more successful this time, because I am more concentrating
on enjoying the journey than mourning that I am not at the destination.
Life is about the little
things. Take this last weekend for example. Abe, my 11 year old son, had his
first middle school dance. To make this event even more significant, he also
has his first girlfriend. A few days before the dance, he informed me that a
tall blonde-haired girl pulled him aside and announced that he was going to be
her boyfriend. I could see how proud/nervous/excited he was and it melted me.
On top of that, he asked me to chaperone the dance so I could meet her. These
are the small moments that make me happy.
I have had the genuine
fear of being the “fat dad” that my kids would be embarrassed to have around
their friends. I know this is mostly born of my own insecurities, but we all
know how ruthless kids can be. It would have haunted me forever to not be in a
position to share these things with Abe.
The fun began with the
buildup before the dance. Abe asked me all about my first girlfriend, and first
kiss. I gave him the full story:
I told him about sitting
at the Aloha Theater watching a double feature of “The Fisher King” and the
Steven Seagal classic “Under Siege”. The girl I kissed went to a different
junior high, and we only got to hang out when she visited her dad and step
sisters who introduced us. I haven’t seen her since I was 13, but she reads
this blog so I will change her name to mask her identity… we will call her
Shmacy Shwhite… (you’re welcome Tracy). When we got to the movie, Matt Hickox
and Kacey Kerger sat in the row in front of us. As I kissed Shmacy, I knew no
one at school would believe me… it could not go unwitnessed. Every soft pink
virgin ever has told tales of “the mystery girl from another school”... So I
flailed and kicked at Matt’s chair until he turned around to see me kissing
her. Matt gave me thumbs up, which I know about because I had my eyes open the
entire time.
Abe cackled and laughed
through my entire story. He asked me all about how I got the nerve to make the
move, and how I knew she wanted me to kiss her. I was open about consent and
how any hint of a no NEEDS to result in an instant ejection from the current
activities. I told him “I knew she was ok with the courtship because 15 minutes
before I kissed her, she placed my hand on her boob”. I also had spent the
entire lapse of time between the hand placement, and the kiss, counting
backwards from 3 and mumbling “fucking kiss her already” quietly under my
breath. I couldn’t have made my intentions more obvious short of holding a neon
sign saying “I AM ABOUT TO KISS YOU”. She had ample time to say “no thank you”…
but my game had her body screaming, “yes, please” (gross).
The day of the dance was
the best though. I created the quintessential “hook up” playlist.
- - Bobby Brown
- - Keith Sweat
- - New Edition
- - Tony Tone Toni
- - Ginuwine
- - Blackstreet (no diggity? No doubt)
- - Boyz II Men (have you ever noticed that the
grunt at the beginning of “Motown Philly” sounds like a dude climaxing? Its
fitting that the album starts this way, because the rest of the album is akin
to an audible post coital cuddle)
- - Toni Braxton
Before we drove to the
dance I set the mood by letting Abe listen to this. Well, “made” is more
accurate. I could see the glee in him the entire evening. The best part of the
night was watching him hold her hand. He tried to hide this from me by only holding
her hand when on the opposite side of the courtyard from me. He failed to
realize that no matter how dark it was, I could tell which couple was them
because his girlfriend is easily 18 inches taller than him. The logistics of
holding her hand created a scenario where his hand was higher than his
shoulder, because he didn’t want to make her lean down.
This. This is the reason
I am working so hard to improve my health. I have found that focusing on the
“why” makes the “how” so much easier. Focusing on feeling good, and enjoying the little moments has made my workouts so much more tolerable. Plus, now I have been listening to this
new playlist at the gym, and the charge of sexual energy is improving my
workouts.
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