Tuesday, April 3, 2018

With my black hair and my fat ass thighs.


I know my writing is mostly cynical and anxious and even mean spirited at times. There is little catharsis in venting happy thoughts. When the “struggle” feels less like a struggle, I don’t have an overwhelming urge to jump on here and be petty. Yes, I fully understand how petty much of my struggle is. In fact, this whole process is only arduous because of my mind frame. The physical part of eating right and exercising isn’t nearly as hard as we make it on ourselves.

Today was one of the good days. I don’t know why. What was different? I honestly would like to know because then I could maybe learn to harness it. But today I strutted into the gym like I owned the fucking place. I had to apologize to the two beautiful woman in the lobby (Hotty McTightPants, and Blondie McGreatBody) because the poor things don’t get to make out with me, OR have me touch their butts. I truly pitied them for this.

I only had maybe 45 minutes to workout but I made it in, damn it. I also have been eating amazingly. I find that logging things into MyFitnessPal helps keep me on track. I become proud of myself for long stretches of time as I see day after day go by without crossing over my calorie threshold... its been a long time since I could use the term "proud of myself" while discussing fitness topics. By the way, I don’t like that the abbreviation for Calorie is “kCal”. How fucking smug. It feels like an old white guy trying to give himself a “rapper guy name”. Go fuck yourself kCal… how pretentious.

I knew I was having a good day, but what really clued me into how amazing I feel today, was the fact that at one point I was assigning “parts” in the songs I was listening to, to random members of the gym.

Posse On Broadway – Sir Mix A lot
             Sir Mix a lot: No one at Villa is cool enough for this part. Hell, no one in the world is.
             Kid Sensation: My trainer Bryan… He is truly the teenage lady killer
             The Posse from 23rd and Jackson: Joey, Chris, DJ.. because they are always lookin for                                  some action. Plus, I like to think of them as "my posse"... I am pretty sure they feel                              the same. 
             Kevin: The super handsome dude with a maroon tank top (Although I stared at him for 10                               minutes trying to will him to scream “Its time to get def”.. but he never did)
             Larry (the white guy who people think is funny): Every other person in the room… 

This happened for every song. Tribe Called Quest's "Electric Relaxation"  was a bit harder. I was the only one in the room with "Black hair and Fat ass thighs"... but this made me not want to play this game anymore. By the way, every time a Busta Rhymes song comes on, I play the part of Busta. Fuck you.. .its my game, I get to be Busta.

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