OrangeTheory... are you any relation to Clockwork Orange, or Agent Orange?

I am not shy. If you gathered 100 people in a room who knew me, and had them list out 100 words to describe me… the word shy would never be mentioned.

That first sentence needed to be specifically mentioned before I start this post. In order to accurately craft a mental image of an oversized man breathing heavily, gasping for breath, resting his hands on his knees, and sweating profusely, and that was before I ever stepped foot in the lobby, this post has to be juxtaposed against who I usually am.

All people have comfort zones. And get the fuck out of here with your “all growth happens when you step out of your comfort zone” type canned lingo. Do you know how tired I am of canned lingo. Ugh… Besides, comfort zone is another term for safe space. And comfort zones exist because as we get older, we craft what makes us happy, and create comfort zones as a reflection of what we want and need. We can progress without going outside of our comfort zones. < -- This is the lie that I used in order to keep myself down for 20 years. I allowed myself to stay in my security zone and ignored the fact that nothing in my life was changing for the better. I lied to myself in order to avoid activities I perceived as uncomfortable or upsetting and the information I used to analyze the situation, was born from insecurity and bias.

Over the past month I have befriended one of those cloyingly excellent fitness coaches. She is an over achiever for sure. Young, sculpted, super hero physical abilities, even her boyfriend is a dreamboat fire fighter… fucking of course he is. I found her on Instagram while doing searches for fitness pages that may have tips and recipes, and her videos were amazing. Her athletic ability instantly grabbed my attention. The first video I saw was her doing strict pull-ups, on gymnastics rings, while bent in half at the waist so she could hold a medicine ball at a 90 degree angle out in front of her between her feet. I wont lie, and Brooke I am sorry in advance, but my first thought was “go fuck yourself”. It was absolutely unfair, and born in my self-consciousness, but that was the first thought that went through my mind. But something ate at me. I went back and watched that video 4-5 more times. As the bias and self-defensive walls fell, I realized I was in awe of what she was doing. It was motivating. I watched several of her videos that day, and each one started with “go fuck yourself” and then my disgust with her over-achievement evolved into awe of her achievement. I quickly realized what is so transparent to everyone else, I was being petty and hating someone for being successful at what I always fail at.

I decided to message her that night and just say “Your videos are great, and I find them inspiring”… this comment evolved into a conversation that lasted for a few hours. It was interesting to hear her thoughts on the topic of fitness. She confessed that she felt very similar thoughts to the ones I was expressing. She always felt tiny and weak, and as she went deeper and deeper into the details of her journey, I realized her journey and hang ups were almost the exact same as mine. The difference is, she overcame her perceived faults, and crafted herself into the person she wants to be. The mental hang ups, and self created barriers, are the same regardless of your struggle. It’s a perceived inferiority, that manifests itself into comfort zones of our own design. Walls that are built in order to keep us feeling secure in our own insecurities. Its funny, but the “comfort zones” we build to protect ourselves, are what are causing us to fail to progress in the ways we want. Self fulfilling prophecies. We create comfort zones in order to protect ourselves, and in turn, we create a place for our insecurities to thrive and grow. 

Because the world is so small, it turns out that Brooke just so happens to live in the same city I do. She is actually an OrangeTheory “Head Coach” at the OrangeTheory gym only 5 miles from my house. Not only is she an OrangeTheory head coach, but she was selected by OrangeTheory to be one of only 4 trainers to lead their workouts at the OrangeTheory convention. Of course she was, Jesus. During our discussion, she invited me out to try a class. What a sweet gesture. She was someone who had battled through a journey of her own, to rise to the top of her profession, and she was giving me the gift of showing me how she found her path to fitness. Go fuck yourself, Brooke. You want me to go to do a workout, which is most likely comprised of all of the workouts I am worst at, with someone at the top of the fitness food chain. Thanks, but no. I have already had my RDA of humiliation today. 

I had no intention of taking her up on this invitation. I know I suck at these type of workouts, and I have no interest in being the lovable loser who struggles through your class. I will not be your baby Huey. However, being the colossal coward that I am, I said “absolutely, send me some potential dates and I will make it happen”. This response covered all of my real goals with this invitation. 

-          I acted interested but made no commitment

-          No one ever follows up with “potential dates” in a scenario like this

-          She is probably going to have buyer’s remorse about inviting me out… it’s her time at stake.. she will change her mind

-          On the off chance that she follows through with times, I can ignore her message and then respond that I was busy and didn’t see her message.

I am safe!!!! I don’t have to go look like a fucking idiot, and I save face by pretending I was going to. I win!

Not so fast. Within 20 minutes, she had sent me her schedule, and it wasn’t a list of specific dates and times.. it was a list of the hours she works every week, and an open ended invitation to select any time I could. Fuck. Thwarted. What an amazing gift she was giving me. The gift of commitment to myself. And I have never hated anyone more than I hated her in that moment. She gave me no outs… and this was a scenario where only I had anything to gain. This was something kind she was doing for me, with nothing to gain herself. And she gave me no way out without looking like a coward and a hypocrite. Fuck. 

I finally decided to take her up on her offer and give OrangeTheory a try. OrangeTheory is a group exercise environment designed around controlling your physical output in order to allow for optimal positive impact on our bodies. They fit you with a heart monitor and your name is on a screen in the front of the room. As you push yourself, and pull back in your effort, your screen lights up in different colors to reflect where you are in relation to your optimal output. Your coach will have the class push themselves and cool down at a predetermined rate in order to maximize your calorie output for “up to 36 hours after the workout”.

This takes us back to that beginning paragraph. When I walked through the doors, I instantly started to sweat. I was so nervous that I actually had a physical response. I clammed up, was breathing heavy, and took a knee to compose myself. I also put on my "don't fuck with me face". I was basically unpleasant. I stood in the lobby with Brooke and another trainer from OrangeTheory, and as the other clients started filing in, I got that “first day of school” type insecurity which flowed through my whole body. It felt like I was in a typical "first day of school" nightmare, the only reason I knew I wasnt actually in a nightmare was that I had all my clothes on still. As Brooke started to explain the days workout, I knew I had made a huge mistake in coming. The first words out of her mouth were “today is endurance day”.. Do you have any idea how lucky she is (actually, how lucky I am) that I didn’t just walk out at that point. The class was made up of 12 women, 1 bad ass fitness model type coach, and myself. Fuck this, 1000 times fuck this. Here is the exact workout

§  20 minutes of intervals on the treadmill

·       Powerwalk, run, powerwalk, jog, powerwalk, sprint

§  500 meter row for time (it took me 2:30)

§  3 sets of 12 reps of 3 resistance workouts.

·       Squats with resistance straps with a weight in one hand

·       Bent over dumbbell row

·       Side steps

§  500 meter row for time (it took me 2:30)

§  3 sets of 12 reps of 3 resistance workouts.

·       Elbow to hand alternating planks

·       Squat to step ups

·       Back flies

By the end of this, I was gassed. I will be completely honest, this was everything I dislike about working out. Super endurance laden. Building my cardio vascular endurance is absolutely my least favorite thing. I was out of breath within minutes. I was able to complete the workout as designed, but I was completely out of my element. I know it was ugly. At one point I snorted while breathing heavy as I was flailing and trying to do my step up onto the step bench, and I realized I looked and sounded exactly like a walrus trying to get on to a dock. I felt so out of place, that I withdrew a bit. I was shy, and awkward and nervous… which is in no way in line with my natural demeanor. Holy shit, I must have looked like one of the dudes in Olivia Newton John's  "Physical" video. It created a scenario where I was so out of my comfort zone, that I acted out of character. I want to be clear… this was all on me. 100% a monster of my own design. I noticed how out of character I was acting, and it caused me to survey my surroundings… I think this is a natural response to feeling awkward. We become hyper aware of our surroundings. I quickly realized, I was the only person in the room, who wasn’t smiling. All of the women in class felt as though they genuinely gave a shit about everyone else. The coach never berated anyone who fell off pace, but instead spoke in generalities in order to motivate, without singling anyone out. The stronger athletes absolutely pushed those of us who weren’t as strong. The overall vibe in the room was of comradery. It was us against ourselves, BUT we had the backing and support of everyone else who was there. I think a big barrier for my own progress, is that I get inside my head. I use negative verbiage and create instant feelings of failure before I even begin new programs. I allow past failures, in other regimens, to pollute the well. Having a room full of people who are all working to accomplish the same goal was nice. I shit you not, at one point I heard Brooke loudly exclaim “Get out of your heads, your bodies can do this, do not believe otherwise”, or something along those lines. I think that each of us like to believe our failures and experiences are unique and SOOO much more daunting than everyone else’s. However, I find that there should be solidarity in numbers, because all of our insecurities and barriers are the same. Brooke spoke to each and every person in the rooms insecurities, with one general sweeping statement. This is a sign that all of us are facing a similar struggle. The super hot fit woman on the treadmill next to me is just as much of a barrier to her success as I am to mine. We are all fighting the same mental struggle, just to different degrees. 

I had no idea what OrangeTheory was when I arrived. I thought it might be a frozen yogurt place at first.  I didnt know what a "splat point" was, and just assumed it had something to do with frozen yogurt toppings. But after trying it, I am sold on the benefits of this style of workout. I feel that I was able to get out of my own way, and push myself harder than I can on my own. I was expecting to hate the targeted coaching, but I didn't feel attacked, or singled out at any point. This wasn't 8th grade PE. But best of all, my body was completely fatigued at the end of my workout. 

I went in believing that I was set up for failure. I am bad at these types of workouts. I was the only man in the room. I was in the worst shape of anyone there.

But when I reread these statements, they don’t stand up to an ounce of scrutiny:

I am bad at these types of workouts (according to what metric?). I was the only man in the room (which means I was in a room with no danger of a macho pissing match). I was in the worst shape of anyone there (but isn’t a workout exactly the right place to remedy that).

I also feel that the more I do workouts and activities that fall outside my comfort zone, the more I expand my zone of safety. I will never have that feeling of awkwardness and apprehension of first walking into this new workout program, because I never have to make that FIRST walk ever again. Each trip to OrangeTheory, will be done with a touch more confidence. I am a little more familiar with a new and obviously effective workout program. This goes to all aspects of working out. The apprehension of trying new things, has a little bit less of a hold on me. This doesn’t mean that I will embrace group classes, or make this my primary form of working out, but it means I have another option.

It has been 24 hours since my workout, and my legs are shaky, my knees are a bit week… this should be the goal. I felt truly mentally and physically worn out after my workout. I feel I pushed myself as much as I could. Thank you so much to Brooke Rooney (insta @brookerooney) for pushing me to step out of my comfort zone. Actually, she didnt help me step out it... Brooke helped me expand the circumference of my comfort zone to include new things. 

Here are my stats from my workout

1511 CALORIES BURNED 167 avg hr

45 SPLAT POINTS 90% AVG MAX HR