I found an old bag of skinny clothes. I think this is more
something women do, but I have always done this. I keep clothes that I have
outgrown, and I buy things that are one size too small in order to use this as
motivation to get in shape. Although, because my weight shot up so much over the
first 3-4 years of weight gain, my fluctuations aren’t wide enough to allow me to
fit back into my skinny clothes. Although my weight goes up and down, the ups are more dramatic than the downs and I'm left with clothes I never was able to fit in again. In this bag I found…
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Two pairs of baggy fit corduroy pants
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1 pair of boot cut jeans (I’ve never owned a
fucking pair of boots in my life)
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2 pair of cargo shorts.
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4 polos. Polos? 4? Fucking polos? Was I planning
a date rape? WTF! I don’t remember ever being “polo guy”
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A Blazers Isaiah Rider tshirt (Isaiah Rider
retired in 2001)
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A pack of Fred Durst inspired white t shirts
It was like finding a timeline of my fatness. I could follow
every douche bag guy trend over the last 20 years. 20 fucking years. 20. Its
obvious when I quantify this process using that time frame, that I have not been
successful at achieving this goal. Hell, one of the pairs of cords had the tag
on them, and they were bought at Meier and Frank. Not familiar with Meier and
Frank? They are a Northwest department store chain. Well, “were”. They went out
of business 12 years ago…. Hahhahaa.. fuck. My fatness outlasted a department
store chain. My fatness is like Prometheus… I fight and fight and punish myself,
only to wake up the next day and find my fatness has returned.
I had a huge “ah ha” moment 3 months ago that has helped me immensely
change how unsuccessful my previous attempts have been. I have always viewed this
process in end goals. I have a “finish line” in sight. I should be focused on
the day to day steps of the process. I had to make 2 big changes in order to
create the good habits that will lead to my weight loss.
1) Forget
about the number.
a. The
number I am speaking about is my exact weight. The number is so daunting. It
becomes a living breathing entity. Like a “dark passenger” from that show ‘Dexter’.
Although instead of the “dark passenger” being an overwhelming urge to murder
people. My “dark passenger” is this stupid fucking number… this constant reminder of my most
unsettling flaw. I had to get this number out of my head.
2) Forget
about the end goal, and concentrate on the day to day procedure.
a. Instead
of dwelling on the final result I want, I need to dwell on the behaviors I need
to be doing today. Regardless of anything I do now, I will not be at my goal
health when I wake up tomorrow. I cant have a measurable success today as long
as my goal is so long term. However, if I concentrate on not eating garbage,
and making sure I am physically active, I can achieve that goal every day. Jesus,
I feel like a moron typing that. It feels so obvious. But I believe a lot of us
have that issue. We create daunting long term goals, which make it easy to lose
momentum. Small, quantifiable goals make things easier for me.
I have a tendency to speak in negative terms… and a trainer
friend of mine has encouraged me to speak more positive. He said “a decent to
good typist can type 100 words per minute. But an active mind can process 1000
unique words per minute. So if you dwell in the negative, that is 1000 negative
items that flow through your brain every minute, which can’t help but have an
impact on you”. I decided to give this method of thinking a try.
So here are my positive thoughts for yesterday
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I had 60 minutes of heart healthy physical
activity
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I didn’t get stuck in any doorways
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I ate my target amount of green vegetables yesterday
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I actually refrained from eating chili cheese
fritos until I shit my pants, this time
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I had a strawberry and found that refraining
from sugar for so long has made healthy food taste better, and more impactful
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I found huffing paint has the same effect as
drinking beer, without all the wasted calories.
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I wrestled with kids until they were too tired
to continue. They tapped out before I did. That never happens
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I didn’t find any camo clothing, tank tops, Ed
Hardy, or hookah shell necklaces in my bag of clothes… so at worst, I am only
kind of a piece of shit.. you cant be a complete piece of shit without at least
one of these articles of clothing.
Its true. Instead of focusing on the end goal, and
concentrating on the daily process, makes the whole ordeal more palatable.
Also, thinking in positive terms will help keep your mind focused and
motivated.
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