Me and Billy Ocean impregnated the whole room with sexuality

Music plays a big role in my life. Don’t read this and have a smug reaction. I know so many people who listen to music almost as religion. It is the back drop to everything they do, and the lyrics even influence their thoughts. I am not this guy. I have different music for different moods. But becoming aware of my mental barriers, also means becoming aware of my mood.

I am a naturally jovial person. I am the stereotypical jolly fat man. I should be sloshing wine around and eating a turkey leg and cracking jokes at all times. But some days I just don’t have “it”. Some days I need something extra to pull me out of a funk, or settle me in, or even bring me down if I am too high. I have created several play lists, each with a different job

Everyday gym music.. meant to help me zone out and be centered

Gym playlist 1 is  a lot of music like:

Busta Rhymes: Put your hands where my eyes can see

Tribe called quest: Electric relaxation

DJ Kool: Let me clear my throat

Missy: Get your freak on

Sir Mix A Lot: Posse on Broadway

If I am feeling sluggish and need a pick me up

Gym playlist 2 is a lot of angsty antiestablishment stuff (I fully understand the hypocrisy of a middle class white 40 year old, who works with banks, listening to music about oppression)

Tribe called Quest: We the people

Rage Against the Machine: Gorilla Radio, People of the Sun, Kick out the Jams

Public Enemy: EVERYTHING THEY DO

But today required something different. I needed something that would make me insane… make me dance around the gym. I feel amazing today, and it needed to be represented in my music.

Gym Playlist 3.. .get loose now music

Bonnie Tyler: Total Eclipse of the Heart

Erasure: Ship of Fools

Fine ass Taylor Dayne: I’ll be your shelter

On the surface, playlist 3 is fine. Its just another of some middle aged jerk off dancing around the gym while listening to ridiculous and cliché music from his childhood. However, today was accidentally different. I went too far. I don’t know at what point the situation got away from me? Or if it was just TOO perfect a playlist, but when we got to Billy Oceans, Caribbean Queen and Billy belted out about “painted on jeans” I was projecting out so much positive energy and sexuality that I feel it effecting everyone in the gym. I was like a beacon of sexual energy, projecting outward like the mother fucking sun!!! Do you know how many people are going to get laid tonight because of the pure energy I was projecting outward. You’re  welcome, everyone. December 24^th, 2018, will see a huge surge in babies born around Beaverton Oregon, and everyone has me and Billy Ocean to thank. Merry Christmas everyone!